Being a mom is hard. Most things worth doing are! Not only is it a physical challenge of wrestling children into car seats and running off your 2-year-old’s zoomies, but it’s also incredibly mentally taxing. This is likely not new information to you! If it is, please send us your secrets, and which alien homeworld you kidnapped your little ones from. Otherwise, join the rest of us in learning just a few ways you can be a mentally healthy mom here on earth.
Lean into Support Systems
The phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” doesn’t mean only the child needs the support of the village! As a parent, it’s important to take advantage of the support networks around you. Your family is typically the easiest support to find, and although they are often taken for granted, are always there when needed. Your family can be a great resource for keeping you sane. Playdates with cousins can provide much-needed social time for both of you, as well as a place to talk about similar struggles you and your siblings might be experiencing as parents.
When particularly struggling, it’s important to talk to a professional about your mental health struggles. Talk therapy can be a good option, and provide a sounding board for your thoughts and help you through anxieties. Another option is to research programs for psychiatry online. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication that a therapist can’t, which might be useful if struggling with postpartum depression, or anxiety disorders. Alternatively, mom groups or other support groups can be a great option if you’re just looking for ideas for particular issues.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Defining boundaries between children and parents is a struggle as old as time. At least half of all 90s movies are stories about children trying to establish boundaries with their parents. However, not only are these boundaries beneficial for teens hoping to skip school and explore Chicago, they’re also important for parents caring for their mental health.
Setting healthy boundaries is more than just setting rules for things your children can’t do. “Don’t touch the hot stove” is good and healthy, but rules like “Sometimes people need space to themselves and they should be respected for that” is an important relational boundary that gives room for you, your child, and even your partner room to take care of their mental state, and allows for privacy and independence for everyone involved. Obviously, every relationship is different. However, creating boundaries that allow each person (especially your child) to have space to be independent, is essential for mental health.
There is extensive further reading and resources on the subject of how to co-define good boundaries with your children. These conversations can also be had with your partner, on how you define your co-parenting relationship so that neither parent feels overly strained.
Develop Good Routines
Routines are great for your mental health. Your brain likes the stability and accountability they provide, and they can help you establish healthy habits from a young age in your child—hopefully decreasing your anxiety levels.
Bedtime routines are notoriously the hardest to establish, as overtired children aren’t the easiest to work with. However, good sleep hygiene (and children sleeping on time) can revitalize your mental health. Outside of the standard pre-bed checklist, brush teeth, read stories, and wear pajamas, you should also establish routines that promote good sleep habits. Avoid screens leading up to bedtime, and try not to use your bed for anything other than sleeping. These habits can help you to fall asleep more easily and can help promote the natural development of sleep hormones.
Additionally, it’s also important to develop mental health habits for yourself. Adopting mindfulness mediation into your day can be an important way to organize your thoughts. Moreover, exercises like yoga or running are known to help you regulate emotions, and can even improve your sleep quality.
Invest In Me-Time
Self-Care Is important. While taking care of children, it can be easy to neglect your own needs. However, if you’re mentally crumbling, supporting other people (especially children) is exponentially more difficult. So investing in self-care and “me time” is essential to being a mentally healthy mom.
When you can, focus your budget on things that make you feel well. Not only does this mean your finances, but as a mom, you have limited time to spend on yourself. While there is a place for life’s quick junk, choosing wellness when you can makes a huge difference. This can mean choosing to exercise over watching another episode of Gilmore Girls (although the two can be done simultaneously!), or it could be choosing to opt out of your daily Starbucks and investing your money in hobbies that bring you joy.
Moreover, it can be beneficial to spend some time on your own, away from your children. Scheduling a regular date night with your partner can help to rejuvenate a relationship that might have been pushed aside for children. Or, if getting childcare regularly isn’t an option, take turns with your partner for a regularly scheduled “night off.” While they watch the little one, take a bubble bath, or go out with friends. Then let them have a night next week (or on whatever cadence works for your family.) And don’t write off taking a no kids vacation! While it’s not something you can always pull off, it might be more attainable than you think.
Going Forward
To be a mentally healthy mom, not only do you need to focus on raising great kids, but you need to also take care of yourself. While some of these ideas are things to do on your own, many of them you can do with your children! By taking care of your mental health, your children will thank you for not only being a sane parent but also teaching them the value of establishing positive habits. Once you start to take care of yourself then you will be able to appreciate your family so much more.
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