Getting into a marriage means investing your love, emotions, and practically everything about your life in another person, hoping you have found your forever after. Unfortunately, forever after is not a reality for almost half of the people who get into marriage.
Divorce hurts more than just the divorcing couple. If children were born to the couple, they also suffer a great deal of distress, sometimes even more than the adults, because they may not understand why the people they love so much can not get along.
As an adult, you should find ways of helping your children understand and cope. This guide offers tips on helping your kids through divorce, so keep reading to learn more.
Talking To Them About Your Divorce
As much as breaking the news of your divorce to your kids is difficult, somebody has to do it because you do not want your kids to find out through other sources. You may be surprised at how fast rumors spread.
Talk to your kids about the divorce as soon as you initiate the process or when you are sure the marriage will end. Also, ensure you are forthcoming with information concerning the divorce, such as its reason.
However, the information you share will depend on the age of the child. If they are young, only share as much as they can understand and keep sharing more as they grow older or seek to know.
Prepare Them For What Is About To Change
Prepare them for what is about to change, for example, living situations and school. Also, ensure that you make them understand that they are loved and are, in no way, the reason for the divorce.
Simple words like “I love you” coming from both parents will go a long way in helping reassure the child during the confusing season in their life.
Avoid Blame Games
Divorce can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of betrayal, resulting in the divorcing parties wanting to get back at each other. Unfortunately, some parents badmouth the other parent to paint them as the bad one.
While you could succeed at making the children believe your story, what you say about the other parent can leave them feeling hurt and betrayed and may cause more harm than good.
The best approach is exercising restraint by putting your children’s well-being above your feelings to present with a united front. While appearing united may not resolve all the hurt they feel, they will be comforted knowing they can depend on both of you for stability.
Let Them Know It Is Not Their Fault
Kids do not perceive things like divorce the same way adults do. In some cases, they can mistakenly feel responsible for causing the divorce, especially if they have heard you fight over anything concerning them, such as their grades or conduct.
So, assure them that the divorce has nothing to do with them. They may not get it on the first day, so make sure it is something you keep doing until they let go of the misconception.
“If you are feeling the weight of the divorce on your shoulders, so is the child. They will need time to heal, so allow them that time. You may also want to involve counselors to help them cope in some situations,” says attorney Shawna Woods of Atlanta Divorce Law Group.
While it is important to help your kids through the divorce, it is also important to look into your well-being. So, while you put on a brave face for the sake of your child, do not hesitate to get help from people close to you or seek legal help.
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