Most good parents do everything in their power to prevent their child from going through traumatic events. But the sad fact is that traumatic experiences, such as car accidents, natural disasters, bullying at school, exposure to violence, and medical trauma, can happen to anybody, including kids. And while the good news is that kids tend to be highly resilient and able to recover from the trauma that they have experienced, this will often depend heavily on the type of support that they receive from their parents and other key adult figures in their lives afterwards.
Causes for Concern:
Some children and adolescents might develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder or other mental health issues following a traumatic event, especially if this is not the first time that they have experienced trauma. In many cases, the symptoms that a child displays after experiencing a traumatic event might appear as difficult behaviors and trouble regulating their emotions both at home and at school. It is important for parents to understand that after experiencing trauma, a child’s emotions and behaviors are more likely to become dysregulated and they may be more likely to demonstrate more aggressive or withdrawn behaviors. Children who have experienced a traumatic event might become more angry and defiant, or on the other hand, they may become more isolated and numb their emotions as a way of coping with the trauma. Sleep problems and appetite changes are also common, along with somatic symptoms like headaches and stomach problems.
What a Child Needs After Experiencing Trauma:
Parents are usually the first to notice when a child has been through a traumatic event and is displaying these common signs and symptoms. Parents and other key adults in the child’s life, such as teachers, need to be able to recognize these signs of trauma for what they are and identify when the child is experiencing distress and needs help and support. Since the nature of the symptoms of trauma is often behavioral, many children end up being retraumatized time and time again when parents and teachers brand them as simply naughty or punish them for their symptoms.
Many parents are not equipped to deal with the serious impacts of significant trauma in a child. Parents may often also feel guilty that they were not able to prevent the traumatic event from occurring in the first place. However, the best thing for parents to do is get support themselves to help them support their child. Social workers in particular are highly trained individuals when it comes to dealing with childhood trauma, particularly serious situations such as child abuse and neglect. In this situation, if the parent is not the perpetrator of this abuse, social workers will work alongside them to help them make sure that their child gets the right support for as long as is needed.
The Impact that Parents and Caregivers Make:
Childhood trauma expert Gabor Mate states that when a child experiences a traumatic event, it’s the support that they get afterwards that can make all the difference to how they respond to it. Children who feel alone, unheard, and left to deal with the trauma that they have experienced are often more likely to go on to experience the insidious and often debilitating symptoms that can accompany childhood trauma for a lifetime. On the other hand, children who feel safe, supported, heard, listened to and protected by their parents and other key caregivers in their life will often be more resilient, finding it easier to cope with the traumatic event and avoid the significant impact that it can have on their health and wellbeing well into the future. Children who are able to talk to and trust their parents and professionals tend to recover better from traumatic experiences. Being able to play freely is also important for younger children who have experienced trauma. For many young children, playing out what they have experienced or seen is often key to recovering from the event, even though this can be difficult for parents and other relatives to watch.
Parents and caregivers can also help make sure that children return to a routine after experiencing a traumatic event. This is an important step in recovery even if the child is going into a routine that is different from before the event. Predictability is important for both children and adults and a traumatic experience will often disrupt this. Being able to go back to school and be with their friends, for example, will often help a child recover by helping to make life predictable again.
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Validating a Child’s Feelings After Trauma:
Many adults have preconceived notions about how a child should behave or even feel, but this is not helpful when a child has experienced trauma. After a traumatic event, it is often unreasonable to expect your child to continue behaving well as there may be new things that now trigger them. Children who have experienced trauma will not only experience sadness, anxiety and confusion, but they also may become very angry. Children who have experienced a traumatic event may react to this with anger, and need to be validated while being supported to learn healthier ways to express those feelings.
Who Can Help?
Social Workers:
Social workers are often the first professionals on the scene when children have gone through traumatic experiences such as abuse, neglect, or being the victim of another crime. Social workers are highly trained professionals who understand the impact of trauma on children and are dedicated to providing a safe and supportive place for children to express themselves. The main concern of a social worker is to ensure that the child is safeguarded against any future trauma. For example, this could include removing access to a parent or family member if they are the perpetrator behind the neglect or abuse.
Child or Family Therapists:
Child therapists such as play therapists can be very helpful professionals when it comes to supporting a child to get over trauma. Many child therapists also work with other members of the family or offer family therapy sessions which can be useful if a parent and child are having trouble talking about the traumatic event or are miscommunicating a lot leading to more problems. Therapists are equipped with the skills and knowledge needed to provide a child with healthier alternatives for dealing with their feelings after experiencing trauma.
Trauma Therapists:
In some cases of severe traumatic experiences, a child might find it helpful to see a therapist that specializes in treating trauma and its effects. These therapists often offer treatments such as EMDR – eye movement desensitization and reprocessing – therapy which has been proven effective in reducing the impact of trauma on the brain, and does not require a lot of talking which can be useful for a child who is not getting any benefits from opening up about the experience. Since trauma affects the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for our fight/flight response, it’s often better to feel the impact of it rather than talk about the impact of it when it comes to processing the event and reducing the symptoms.
Teachers:
Teachers can also be very influential in helping a child get over a traumatic event. Aside from parents, teachers are often the single adults that have a huge impact in the life of a child. In many situations where children are experiencing trauma that is instigated by the parent or the parent is unsupportive of them, having a teacher who tries to understand what they are going through and provides them with the support and help that they don’t get from home can make all the difference.
What Parents Can Do to Support Children After Trauma:
The parental support that a child gets when they are coping with a traumatic event can make all the difference to the rest of their lives. Some guidelines for parents who want to support their child after trauma include:
Offer to Listen to Your Child:
Sometimes a child will simply need a safe space to talk about what happened and to express themselves. It is important to offer to listen to your child, but do not overwhelm them or pressure them if they are not yet ready to talk.
Play With Your Child:
In some cases, it might be easier for your child to express themselves through play or creativity rather than talking. Offering to play with your child, even if it makes you uncomfortable if they want to re-enact the traumatic event, or asking them to draw pictures for you, can help them feel more comfortable to open up.
Get Professional Support:
In some cases, it might be difficult or even impossible to help your child alone. Don’t underestimate the impact that trauma can have on your child’s developing brain. Getting professional help will make it easier for you to understand how to support your child and give your child the best chance of recovery.
Trauma can happen to children in many different forms and impact them in a variety of ways. The support that a child gets after a traumatic event can shape their future.
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