Embracing intimacy after infidelity can be incredibly challenging. It’s a long process filled with strong emotions ranging from anticipation to anger, longing, and distrust. Fear and anxiety can also play a huge role in learning to be intimate with your partner again.
These feelings may leave you stressed and overwhelmed. However, healing from the wounds caused by infidelity is possible. While you probably shouldn’t jump straight into a full-forgiveness mode, you can certainly go through the crisis and survive it.
Of course, you’ll need to give it enough time. Aside from being patient with yourself and your partner, it’s important to learn how to discuss sex openly and focus on making love and restoring trust.
Because intimacy requires both partners to let their guard down and show vulnerability, you need to be careful and kind to yourself when reconnecting with your significant other after an affair. Read the article below to learn how to make this process easier and avoid draining yourself emotionally.
Give It Time
Getting cheated on is a heartbreaking experience that can leave you traumatized and feeling like you are the problem. If you rush to reconnect with your partner and don’t give yourself enough time to go beyond these feelings, you may only put yourself through more trauma. For some people, recovering to the point where they can have sex with their partner again can take a few weeks, while others will need months, including a no-contact phase.
Remember that everyone has a different timeline regarding things like forgiveness and trust. Some people may find it helpful to laugh about such things or even get themselves a handy vibrator that will help fight the longing for the partner you’re still in love with, but others might find it triggering or simply upsetting. If you’re a part of the second group, consider postponing looking at huge cock sleeves or other sex toys online until a less turbulent time in your relationship.
Learn to Talk About Sex Openly
Even if you’ve never had issues with talking about sex and both you and your partner were always open to such discussions, things can change after the affair. For instance, judgementalism can suddenly become a significant part of your relationship since the infidelity might’ve shone some light on the issues in your sex life that previously went unnoticed.
Once you decide to have sex again, avoid discussing every little detail of lovemaking. You can still express your opinion about your partner’s actions or ask them if they’re alright with what you’re doing, but don’t overanalyze it. Don’t discuss what went wrong at the very moment. If you still feel like you need and want to talk about it, choose another time when you’re both not at your most vulnerable. It’s essential you separate sex from difficult conversations about it.
Focus on Lovemaking
In general, there are two main sexual styles that most people engage in: tender lovemaking and adventurous erotica. There’s something fun and beautiful in both of them, but the latter may not be the best option if you’re trying to trust your partner again and reconnect with them after they’ve cheated on you.
Adding tenderness to your love life may sound challenging, especially if you’re used to rough or quick yet frequent sex. Try to take things more seriously. Turn off distractions, focus on emotional foreplay, and ensure you and your partner feel desirable.
You can even dedicate an entire evening to creating a romantic atmosphere that will make it easier to make love rather than just have sex. Stretch the time you have together, try different positions and change them often, and maintain eye contact. You can also tell your partner how much they mean to you while you’re making love and encourage them to do the same, but don’t demand any love confessions. It’s better when such things come naturally and at the right time.
Seek Professional Help
Although some people may feel hesitant to attend couples therapy, gaslighting yourself into believing you’ll be able to get through the infidelity crisis on your own is usually not enough. Ask your partner to seek professional help together. Encourage them to do so by showing them different therapists and including them in the decision-making process. It’s certainly not a good idea to find someone on your own and force your partner to visit them.
If, for any reason, your partner refuses to go to therapy, don’t issue an ultimatum. Sure, it may feel terrible, but instead of getting angry and defensive, you can be a bigger person and ask your partner how they felt when you suggested this option. If they are willing to explain, it’s a good sign. Once you have the answer, you can try to find another solution by exploring various alternatives to couple’s therapy.
In Conclusion
As you can see, the healing of sexual intimacy is tied with various setbacks that may be quite discouraging. However, if you truly want to reconnect with your partner and they’re willing to do the same, there’s no reason you shouldn’t at least give each other a chance.
When embracing intimacy again, remember to be patient and give yourself time. Don’t rush anything; take as much time as you need to heal. Start talking with your partner about sex honestly and openly. Additionally, focus on romance and lovemaking rather than just the act itself, and seek professional help if necessary. Good luck!
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