Minimizing the Negative Impact of Divorce on Kids

The decision to end a marriage is difficult and emotional for everyone involved. Divorce can be especially hard on children, as their whole world changes overnight. From the changes in family structure to the emotions that arise in the process, kids can quickly feel overwhelmed. Whether or not you’re the custodial parent, it’s important that you do all you can to minimize the negative impact of divorce on your kids.

Here are some ways divorcing parents can help their children cope with change and loss during this tumultuous time.

Acknowledge and Understand Your Child’s Feelings

It’s important to acknowledge and understand your children’s feelings after divorce. Their world has changed dramatically in a short period of time, so give them time – it may take some kids longer than others to process their new reality. It’s also critical that you know how they are feeling about what happened during the divorce process. Are they angry, sad, confused?

If you can give your children the time to process their feelings, they’ll be able to heal and move forward. A divorce lawyer in DC notes that parents should be aware of how kids feel about what happened during divorce so that it doesn’t become a point of conflict between them. When divorced couples don’t acknowledge these feelings, it can cause a lot of damage in the long run.

Share Your Feelings With Your Child  

Just like your children will have strong feelings about the divorce, so will you. It’s important to be open with your child about how you’re feeling, in a way that is appropriate and suitable for the age of your child. If your children can tell that something is not right, it will cause them stress and anxiety. It’s best if they know what’s going on from the beginning so they don’t feel there are more surprises or secrets being kept from them. Have a conversation with them about how you’re feeling. Using an age-appropriate approach, and explain in simple terms what’s going on.

Let them know how you’re feeling and let them ask questions. If you can’t answer their questions yet because it may be too soon for shared information, it’s OK to say so. Do not make up an answer or avoid the question. Being open and honest will help you process your feelings, as well as let your children know it’s OK to feel many different things during the process. 

Help Them Find Healthy Ways to Express Emotions

Children need to know that it’s OK if they feel sad, angry or lonely. They should be encouraged to talk about how they are feeling and what happened with their parents. It is also important for them to understand that both of their parents love them very much, even though they do not want to live together anymore. They should not feel like they did anything wrong.

Sometimes, children might act out because of their feelings of loss and anger. This behavior can be frustrating for parents who are trying to cope with the divorce at the same time. It’s OK for both parents to let the kids know that behaviors such as yelling or calling names are not appropriate. Instead, provide a space for kids to express their feelings and outlets for them, such as sports, music, drawing or writing.

Avoid Using Guilt To Motivate Your Kids

Kids will feel guilty after divorce no matter what you say, so don’t put that extra pressure on them. They are not the ones who wanted the divorce in the first place, even if they are happy about it. Regardless, there is always going to be some guilt involved. Your kids are resilient, and they can bounce back from most things, but it’s still important to keep that in mind when you’re trying to help them through the divorce process.

Be careful not to push your own personal agendas onto your child. This means not expecting your child to be happy about something just because it makes you happy. Kids are smart, and they know when you’re trying too hard. For example, if your child is not happy with you after the divorce, don’t try to convince them otherwise or place guilt on them for wanting to spend time with the other parent.

Watch for Signs of Depression or Anxiety

During and after the divorce process, your child might not want to go to school. He or she may have trouble sleeping, eating, and/or concentrating. They may also lose interest in activities that they used to enjoy doing. All these can be signs of depression or anxiety. It’s important to take your child’s feelings seriously and support them in every way you can.

Divorce is not easy on anyone, especially children who are often confused about what has happened between their parents. Giving them the love they need during this difficult time will help minimize the negative impact because they will feel secure and protected by the people who love them most.