NEW REALITY SHOW SHOWS DISTURBING VIEW OF COMPETITIVE DANCE
Let me start this off by saying that this may ruffle some feathers, but I’m not going to apologize.
I am all for competition amongst kids. I believe that when they start playing t-ball or soccer at age 4, they should play in games that, after the set hour, declare a winner and loser. None of this “everyone is a winner just for participating” stuff. No. It’s a fact of life — you win some, you lose some — and kids should be taught this as a young age so there aren’t any rude awakenings when they get older. Plus, competition drives people to succeed. It makes people want to try harder and do their best.
And while learning all about competition, kids should also be taught about respect. Respect for themselves as an athlete and as a person, as well as respect for your teammates, and those you compete against.
But, this new show on Lifetime called Dance Moms throws everything that is good about competition out the window.
In an article by Media Life, writer Tom Conroy says it best. “It’s become cliché to describe something or someone as being wrong on so many levels. It’s rarely so true as in the case of Lifetime’s new reality show Dance Moms,” he writes.
The show is about a Pittsburgh-based dance teacher who is nothing short of a bully. She berates her students, shouts at their moms, and is so unbelievably cruel that I can’t believe someone hasn’t knocked her out yet. Rather than offer constructive criticism that could help her students learn and become better, she embarrasses them in front of other students and has them so terrified to go against her that they are practicing sick, hurt, and in tears. She compares them against each other, making them jealous of another’s talents instead of encouraging them to be stronger as a team. They are taught that anything other than first place is an embarrassment. And the costumes! She puts nine-year-old girls in outfits that would get them arrested if caught wearing them on a street.
She says she does these things to make the girls better dancers and prepare them for the “real world of professional dance.” Really?
This is all so wrong. But what’s even more wrong is that the parents of these young girls are allowing all of this to happen. While the moms sit and watch this instructor shout at their kids, they gripe about it to the other moms but not one of them has the courage to stand up to this monster. Let me tell you, if someone talked to one of my daughters like this, it would happen once and never again. The mama bear in me would definitely come out to protect my cubs! And if my child walked out of a dressing room looking like a “prostitot” she wouldn’t go any further and she certainly wouldn’t be getting up on stage like that…never mind wearing it while performing a dance that is better suited for a gentlemen’s club stage. And where in the world are their father’s?? All of this would make my husband absolutely lose his mind! The problem is that these moms are trying to live out their dreams through their daughters, losing sight of what is best for the child.
I am a former competitive dancer. For 10 years I danced for several hours a day, seven days a week. I wore sassy, flashy costumes, and we competed internationally. During this whole time, never once did my instructor make me feel bad if I didn’t perform perfectly; dancers were never compared to each other in a way that would hurt one’s feelings; and everything we did was always age appropriate. We won many, many awards, but we lost just as often. Second or third place were okay — it just made us work harder to do better at the next competition. Not placing at all? Well, basically it just sucked. But it made us really evaluate what we did wrong and what we needed to do so it didn’t happen again. I had instructors who genuinely cared about us, and thankfully, when it wasn’t fun anymore, I had parents who let me move on to other things, no questions asked.
Now, 30 years after putting on my first baseball glove, and 22 years after slipping on my first ballet shoe, I am trying to teach my young daughters about competition and trying your best. My four-year-old has tried gymnastics, t-ball, soccer and swimming…she loves them all. This winter she is determined to play hockey, just like her daddy. She tried dance. Like most moms of little girls, I had big dreams of seeing her twirl around the stage in a pretty tutu, and of her being the Sugar Plum Fairy in a performance of The Nutcracker (well, okay, not really). But she hated dance, and that’s okay. Because it’s not about what I want, or about her living a dream of mine that I couldn’t achieve. It’s about her finding her place in life and doing what she thinks is fun, whether that is athletics, music, art…whatever.
Unfortunately, like most reality shows, Dance Moms is such a train wreck that people will continue to watch, however I will not. As a mom…no, let me change that…as a human being, it crushes me that these very talented little girls are treated so harshly and that this mean, mean woman will financially profit from her bullying.
What are your thoughts about competition amongst kids? And, if you’ve seen Dance Moms, please share your opinion.
About Elissa:
Personally, I am a 34 year old, married mom of two young girls; and professionally, I am a corporate brand marketing manager for one of the top casino gaming companies in the United States. I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my job…I love my life! Follow me on Twitter @eplastino.
I’ve watched it and I cannot believe that the parents allow this to happen. I saw the episode were the moms were upset over the slutty costumes. And yet, they said NOTHING! I would have never allowed my daughters to wear that get up. I’m not only shocked at the director’s behavior, but also the attitude of the moms. When your child is sick, she needs to be home in bed, not practcing for 6 hours straight. And to tell your daughter top stop crying and suck it up and go back in there so she can be the best is borderline child abuse!
Uggghhhhh! The worst part is that since this behavior is on TV for entertainment, people will accept it as OK. I hate that we only seem to have extreme behavior on TV. As if no one would watch a show about healthy dance competition.
I’m ranting, you got me all fired up! I just hate that this is the culture that I’m raising two daughters and a son in. My daughter is 3 and she’s playing t-ball this fall. There will be a winner at the end of the game and I love that. She needs to learn small little dissapointments so she’ll be ready for life. But we’ll never make her feel bad about losing!
Thanks for reading. Trust me, watching this show got me all fired up too! I hope your daughter loves t-ball…mine does!
I’ve only seen part of one episode and really it wasn’t even long enough to review it but just based on the commercials of how bully-ish she is, has turned me off. I am surprised that the parents are willing to put up with her.
I have no problem with competition. We encourage our kids to compete in sports and academics. They learn early on how to be resilient and strive to work harder. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn’t and then we start the process again, maturing with each experience. We are raising adults not children. I can’t tell you how many hover parents I have come in contact with who are still hovering when their kids are well into their twenties. I understand wanting to help your children but one can also do a disservice to them by helping too much. Of course, those with behavioral disorders and mental illness are certainly dealt with differently. I know that first hand.
Good post, thanks!
Thanks for reading and commenting Laura! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that competition is good…to a certain extent! It is so true that some parents these days try to help too much, my parents NEVER would have thought about calling a business for me about getting a job, or attending the interview. Some things I hear today about “hover parents” are crazy! You are right that you have to treat children differently based on their individual personalities and abilities, but they can still be taught the same values/lessons, just in a way they will be able to understand. I have worked with kids with behavioral disorders and mental illness as well, played sports with them and helped them get involved in activities they probably never would have..they may have been more challenging than other teens their age, but they still deserve the same opportunities.
I saw part of an episode the other day. It was SO awful!! The parents are completely incompetent, in my mind, allowing their daughters to be treated that way. There is no excuse. I refuse to believe that treatment like that will make their daughters into better dancers.
Well you already know my view on this one. I also competed in dance and played softball for years. Never once did either of my dance or gymnastics coach yell or even begin to make one of us feel like a no one. We were loved, encouraged and honestly, til this day, I still think of both of them as family. I spend more time with all of my coaches than I did with my parents. These children on Dance Moms are such a talented bunch and it’s an absolute shame to see what they are put through by their parents and that coach. On the episode last night, “Abby” wouldn’t let one child’s dad see her before competition because she felt that it upset the little girl and broke her concentration. Really? And that dad said, he would do everything in his power to have both of this children pulled from her academy next year. Good for him. Now I have two children, ten years apart, and we have gone through a number of sports for them to find what is best for them. My daughter (15) has been a cheerleader (made it her first try) but absolutely hated it. She finished out the year but said that was enough for her. She has ran track (made it to State her first year) and didn’t like it either. My husband was a track star in high school but she said it just wasn’t what was right for her. She plays softball like there is no tomorrow. I have seen her hit it to the fence and then strike out the next go round. It just encourages her to do it again next go round. My son (4) bless his heart just wants to play. He played t-ball this past year and although it was the most unorganized thing I have ever seen, he was just proud to be out there with other kids. We even tried soccer. He said he would rather play with his sissy in the backyard.
And I agree with you on the competition. Enough of the everyone is a winner. It’s not going to be like that in real life so let’s start preparing the children for it now. Don’t beat around the bush and hope they learn it later in life. Encourage them in what they want to do. It’s their life.