Surrogacy: These Are The Pros And Cons For Intended Parents

There are many couples out there that are unable to have children. They could be a couple that has been trying to but without success. Or, they could be same-sex couples that want children. There are various avenues for having children even when you can’t do so on your own. 

For instance, many couples who have trouble conceiving will go through IVF treatments hoping that it will work. And, many same-sex couples will go the adoption route. However, there is an alternative way to go about fulfilling your dream of raising kids. That is surrogacy when another woman will carry your baby to term and then you become the parents. 

This is not an easy process and there is a lot that you need to know before committing to it. In this article, we will go over the pros and cons of surrogacy so you can be informed before you visit a surrogacy agency California or wherever you live. 

Pros

The most obvious advantage of using a surrogate to have children is how it allows people who have no other way to have children an avenue to do so. There are people who have tried in vain to go the IVF route and it simply didn’t work. Their only other option would be to adopt. 

An adoption is a great option for many, but some people would rather keep their genetic line going and would rather not go that route. 

The same holds true for same-sex couples, singles, and those with health or age issues that prevent them from having their own children. With surrogacy, everybody has a chance to raise their own child. 

A genetic link to a child is an important factor for some people. Although there are many people who don’t feel the need and will adopt as a result, those with a strong desire to be biological parents have this option. Since the embryo is implanted into the surrogate mother, the baby will have the genetic markers of one or both of the parents. 

Another surprise benefit that some people often cite as being an advantage is that there can be a lovely relationship that develops with the surrogate mother. With an adoption, sometimes the parent of the child adopted is never met. Not much may even be known about her. 

When a surrogate is used, often there is an ongoing relationship with her. Often, the intended parents will accompany her to the doctor for checkups and ultrasounds. They could be there for her when she needs something, and vice versa. The relationship is built on mutual respect and in good faith so there is little reason to not have a relationship at least during the pregnancy.

It may be hard for a surrogate after the birth to continue a relationship but that highly depends on the people involved. 

Cons

Surrogacy is not an easy option and there are several factors that may not work for some people. 

A disadvantage for many is how long the process can take. Since it usually requires an IVF treatment this is a challenge for those with fertility issues. If a couple has infertility then coming up with a viable embryo is likely to take some time. If it even works at all. There is the possibility of sperm or egg donors so it isn’t a lost cause if an embryo is not viable. 

In addition to how long it can take, there is also the complexity of the situation that can turn some people off. Finding a match to be a surrogate is probably the biggest challenge and is not easy. You may even have somebody who volunteered already if you need her, but once the legalities come into play they could back out. 

In fact, the contracts required to do something like this are a complex process in itself so even when you do have somebody lined up, it doesn’t make the process any easier. There is going to be a lot of negotiating with the surrogate and yourself to make sure that everybody’s needs are covered. 

Once the birth is over, most of the time the relationship is very good, but there could be problems that occur after. This is an emotional time for all and the possibility that it doesn’t go smoothly, as a result, is very real.

Even the pregnancy itself is complex as the intended parents don’t have much control over it. They may be involved in going to the doctor with the surrogate, but she has the ultimate say in how the care for herself and the baby is going to go. Any concerns about the pregnancy should be sorted out before it actually begins, but there are always going to be changes. The intended parents have to be able to be flexible and patient. 

Do you have what it takes?

Starting a family is an emotional time for anybody. When you have your first child, there is a feeling of stepping into the unknown. Even though you know plenty of people that have been through the same experience, you can’t really know what you are getting yourself into. 

When you decide to go the surrogate route, there are really a lot of unknowns. Emotions will be running very high and the people close to you won’t know what you are going through. 

You’ll need a very strong support group around you. This may involve finding a group for intended parents that are doing a surrogate gestation. There are online groups that you can join where you will find people that are either going through the same thing or have been through it already and are there to help guide you through the process. 

The nice thing is that once you are through the hurdles, you will have a child to raise and feel the joy that comes from having your own family. Things won’t necessarily be easy but the payoff is worth it.