The decision to get a divorce is not one to be taken lightly, and it’s not uncommon for women to feel some regret after heading down this path. The regret is not always that they ended things, but that they didn’t handle the divorce differently.
There is no blueprint for divorce that you can follow, so most people are guided by their emotions more than anything else. You might not act in a way that you would normally act, and this can lead to some fairly common regrets further down the line. Here are 5 of the most common regrets women report after a divorce.
Not ending thing sooner
It can take a long time to pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce, and many women regret not being able to do this soon. While you might feel you have missed out on time when you could have been focusing on yourself and your children, there’s little sense dwelling on the timing.
Sometimes you may have a reason for delaying the divorce. For example, perhaps you wanted to wait until your children were older or left home. If this is the case, the timing might have been out of your control.
Rushing into a second marriage
Another common regret that women have is how quickly they rushed into another relationship or even a second marriage. It’s important to take some time to focus on yourself after a divorce, as this is how you heal.
Rushing into another relationship might feel romantic, but the grass is rarely greener on the other side. Many women worry that they are simply repeating past mistakes because they are afraid to be alone for too long.
Not preserving a friendship
Divorce can bring out the worst in people and many couples burn their bridges on their way out. A marriage is about more than just a romantic partnership, your spouse is also typically your best friend. Failing to preserve this friendship can feel wasteful, but you might not realise this until it’s too late.
If you have children and will be transitioning to co-parenting, retaining some form of friendship is advisable for the sake of your children. They should never feel they are in the middle of quarrelling parents.
Not protecting assets
Another common regret that women have after finalising their divorce is being meek at the negotiating table. If you have given up your career to raise children, this is a significant blow to your financial position. This could mean many years of missing earnings and career progression that you cannot simply make up for once the divorce is finalised.
It’s common for women to regret not protecting themselves financially and trying to be accommodating while determining the financial settlement. Speak to a solicitor about what you are entitled to during the divorce and don’t be afraid to ask for more. By asking for more, you might have to negotiate down, but this will leave you with more than if you accept what is offered.
Not asking for help
Going through a divorce is a significant upheaval, but far too many women feel that they have to shoulder this burden alone. There are many ways you can ask for help while heading into a divorce, and this could help you to cope with the stress and ensure you have fewer regrets.
Speaking to a professional counsellor can help you to process your feelings and manage your emotions. This will help you to avoid feeling like you are “sleepwalking” through your divorce and ensure you have minimal regrets in the future. While your friends may be able to offer advice and support, there is no substitute for a professional.